Scent

love can mean urine
sprinkled all around the house
sharing of your scent
     I stopped that at age twenty
     admiration: you still dare

Even without urine, though, I pick up on a lot of smells, and prefer my own scent and the scent of family and close friends, over the scent of strangers.  I have read that human beings rely much more on scent for identifying and understanding each other than most of us are aware of.  Maybe I, and the family the poem refers to, am simply more aware of this than most people.  Or maybe, as frequently meaning-blind and meaning-deaf autistic people, we have come to rely more on scent than most people would.  And maybe also, as autistic people, our senses (or our awareness of them) are simply heightened as well.  Whatever it is, we’re not the only autistic people I know who would scent-mark this way if we cuold get away with it,or who do scent-mark this way regardless of whether we get away with it.

I used to believe I would have to grow up and marry a man, that this was the only life path open to me.  My biggest fear about marrying was that he would discover me pissing on the borders of rooms, houses, yards, and not be able to tolerate me anymore.  That said, it’s a lot to ask someone to tolerate when it’s not something they themselves gain meaning from. Most people find such natural body scents as noxious as I find perfume.  Humans are animals, though, and some of us still do things that other animals do, or wish we could.

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