How To Stay Alive

I can’t struggle
As the world fades to white
Can’t remember the way my home looked
Can’t remember my mind
Can’t remember anything
It’s all faded out
Like there’s nothing left of the world

Sleep, the white tells me
Sleep and dream of nothing
Just rest, just rest
Soft and soothing
No need to think
To remember what is wrong
Just rest
Just
Rest
Shhhhh

*

Drowning
Was I drowning?
I can’t even thrash
But I almost remember
There was a surface
Somewhere

*

I struggle to surface
The ripples spread out
And out
And out

Mostly I float
But I almost remember
Something

Was
there
something?

*

The white fades to a dappled green
Above me
Leaves
Sky
And I remember
Now I remember
Now

I remember trees
I remember the clover
Tangled in my hair
I remember
Oh I remember
Everything

*

The world is
Green, blue
Brown, yellow, gray
The white
Has faded to these things

*

I can move my eyes first
Then my hands
Elbows, knees, and toes
Fingers grasping
At the memory
They could never hold

But

I can move
I can fight
I can live

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